Noah (ClumsyBoy Online Persona) typ osobowości MBTI
Osobowość
"Jaki typ osobowości jest {profilename}? {profilename} jest typem osobowości {mbti} w mbti, {enneagram} - {iv} - {tritype} w enneagram, {big5} w Big 5, {sociionics} in Socionics."
how foolish of me. how how how foolish. i shouldn't be writing here or i shouldn't be thinking of you at all yet here i am. it is not selfish this way since it is extremely unlikely you will ever see this message. why am i crying. to be honest i shouldn't ask this silly question since if i am completely honest with myself i still have a lot of moments when i cry my whole heart out, just like when we both got to know that we can't battle the circumstances. i go by day by day and i recognize how i can at least concentrate to my goals without compromising this way but when i am overwhelmed, or just at certain moments i realize how much i still miss you. not just the feelings you gave me but you as a person, your company, your voice, your presence. i miss your presence from my life. i miss your involvement. i miss talking to you. you were one of the most comfortable people in the world for me and in a way you still are. whenever we talk, even though it's rarely, i never really feel tense or uncomfortable. i am so glad to see you finally being on your path. honestly, your success, or at least you working towards your goals makes me very sentimental actually because it really is what i wished and still wish for you. you're dazzling when you thrive. but you're dazzling to me either way. whether you're happy, angry, sad, even when you're a bit indifferent. even if it's without my involvement a part of me is still happy, happy for you. however.... sometimes. sometimes. i realize i still wish we could just get to hangout regularly. i realize that i, in fact want to be a part of your life, and want you to be a part of mine. no matter how selfless my intentions are, i can't help but still wish you find me attractive. no matter how much i am aware of how far away we are and how we have to concentrate on building a foundation for our future, i can't help but still want you to want me. i can't help but still have this burning desire inside of me which feels almost selfish but in the end i would never express these kind of things towards you among circumstances like this. it would be extremely inconvenient. so i can't do much about it except grieve and accept it. so in the end it is not actually self-serving and selfish i believe. sometimes, no matter how much it hurts, i am hesitant if i even want it to go away but i don't want to keep feeding myself with any kind of hope. i love you with my whole heart but even as a dreamer i am aware that life is not a romance story, not a fairytale. but yes, i wish things were different and i still think of you everyday, even if it's only a small segment of my day. and unlike last time, i refuse to put any blame on you. i can't say i am better off, why would i say such things about someone i love, respect and care for? also i have wanted to continue both peaky blinders and tvd, i really really have. but i just can't get myself to do it haha... there are these moments, like the one right now when i let myself think of you but continuing tvd alone would genuinely just hurt too much and i can't get myself to do it. with peaky blinders it will be easier since we only watched a few episodes from that and even that is something hard to get myself to do. same with some songs, no matter how my heart i love them, i am unable to listen to them most of the times. while i am genuinely a HUGE fan of michael jackson i mean he is literally my favorite, i guess it is also extremely comforting to go back to him again and again in a way when i don't want to feel heartbroken or just alone in my heartbreak. i fondly remember you but.... i wish you were there somewhere, in the future, actually physically holding my hand. i wish we could be just together in a way we can still grow as individuals because we don't have to worry about finances, not being able to see each other and dependency. i love you and i can't help but want you and want you to feel the same way about me even though i know that no matter how you feel we can't control this situation at all. so why.... no matter what happens though. no matter what. don't lose the wonder and silliness. don't be afraid to make promises and have hope even if some circumstances seem to work against you because your desires have POWER. and if they change in a way you can't keep your word, it is something life will handle. God, the universe, will sort it all out. and do things you love. and keep growing, keep up the great work :) i know this is silly but i was just overwhelmed by feelings and even if i can't talk to you at least here it feels like it. kind of. also don't misunderstand, i am not trying to make my sadness something romantic and i don't have any expectations, this is all from my heart and it's all genuine feelings. i hope you're having a great day and what i told you when we had to break up is still true, someone out there, several thousand kilometers, miles away, roots for you and loves you every single day.
